Facibus on Blogging is number 32 in the Top 100 Australian Blogs index.
I’m reflecting on what this actually means.
Yesterday was the first anniversary of my father’s death. I talked about it and the effect it had on Father’s Day. We scattered his ashes about one of his favourite places - Lemonthyme Farm near Quaama in NSW. Is being number 32 as significant as that? No, but it doesn’t detract from it either. I can be both a blogger and a son that misses his father.
I’ve been going through some other personal stuff - I think that I can talk about it now. Basically, my engagement/relationship with Helen has broken down, to the point where it is beyond retrieval. I won’t go into the details out of respect for what we had, and out of respect for her feelings, but I think it is fair to say that we’ve both taken it fairly hard. Is being number 32 as significant as that? No, and in some ways the two are potentially related - in the last couple of months I’ve basically buried myself in work to the exclusion of almost all else as an escape - and this has been detrimental to my other interpersonal relationships. It has also adversely affected my blogging - one of the issues was my spending too much time on the laptop at night so I tried cutting right back for a while.
Work has become increasingly more important for me - I’ve assumed some additional responsibilities that have raised my profile in the office. Is the job more important than being number 32? At the moment, I would have to say that it is - apart from anything else, my job is paying the bills, and blogging just isn’t yet. I haven’t made enough money yet to pay for domain name renewal let alone hosting 
It’s not about the money - yet - I blog because I am passionate about it and I am still seeking to understand it.
All that said, I am grateful to be number 32. I do know that I would not be where I am without some help from friends - and I must give a big word up to Meg, Snos, Matt and especially Maria for having supported me thus far.
So here’s a question for you: at what point is the ranking more important than any of the other things above - life and family and relationships and day job? Is it a case of “do whatever it takes” or “what does it profit a blogger who gains Technorati Top 100 status but loses their soul?”.
Rank is nothing, friends are everything
Hi Neerav,
thank you for your comment, and for your words of wisdom.
I agree wholeheartedly!
Best regards, Andrew
Hey - I’m sending big American hugs your way. Sounds like you’re going through an awful lot, and your blog ranking is a pretty thin reward.
I lost my dad 7 years ago on Thanksgiving. Time helps - you never get over it, but it’s not as acute after a while. I still talk to him from time to time, when something makes me think of him… and my sister has written him letters.
Take care of yourself!
Andrew,
i know its been hard. Hang in there. You have friends who care about you.
I too, as you know, throw myself into my work and sometimes it is difficult to have time to balance this with family and friends. Losing my dad did teach me that there are more important things than work, i just have to be reminded sometimes. We are all busy, but need to make time for people that are important to us.
Maria
Hi Jeri,
thank you for your comment and for your good wishes.
I know intellectually that the pain will fade with time - it is taking the emotions a little while to catch up with that.
I will do my best to take care.
Best regards, Andrew
Hi Maria,
thank you for your comment and for your incredible support.
I too need to make time for the people who are important to me. I saw my children for the first time in what seems like months on Sunday - and they are growing up mostly without me.
Thank you for being there, even when I have not been terribly bearable.
Best regards, Andrew
I’m sorry to hear that mate.
I believe everything - both good and bad - happens for a reason, though we may not know the reason at the time it happens. It is difficult when you are deep in the middle of something to see the bigger picture.
One of the best things someone ever said to me when something terrible happened to me - “This may not make sense to you now, but a year, two years down the road, you’ll look back and it will make perfect sense”. They were right - it did. I wouldn’t be who I am today without every experience I’ve ever had - good or bad. That terrible thing I mentioned was one of the most character building things - it sent me into a depression and I had to work hard to climb out of it. It has completely changed how I look at life.
Anyway - none of that is probably very comforting right now, I just thought I should say it in the hope it might be useful because it did help me once.
We have a futon, it’s yours if you want it.
Maybe you need a break from work and home. Can anyone say South Coast holiday?
Cheers,
Snoskred
Hi Snos,
thank you for your comment. I agree with you 100% that things happen for a reason, and while there might be temporary pain, they eventually make perfect sense. The relationship breakup is dragging on as we divide the physical stuff we accumulated together and one household becomes two again. There is some distracting financial stuff happening but it is a bit hard to put a price on being able to be myself and do both afterwork/blogging/offline social interaction whenever it suits me (as time allows).
And out of the ashes of the old, something new is slowly emerging that might just see me being truly happy for the rest of my life.
Thank you for the offer of a holiday, it is greatly appreciated
I can see it now, me driving through the rain looking for a sign saying “The Snoskred Retreat for Slightly Damaged Bloggers” 
And thank you most of all for caring
Best regards, Andrew